


Gone Away

by Beckers522



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Biblical Reinterpretation, Birth of Jesus, Garden of Gethsemane, Gen, Miracles, Scene: Crucifixion of Jesus 33 AD (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23074300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beckers522/pseuds/Beckers522
Summary: What if Gabriel wasn't always so horrible? What if he cared about humanity, a long time ago? What if he even loved them once, before they rejected the Almighty and Her greatest gift. Before they chose to murder an innocent man. Before they turned their backs to the suffering of the one person who could save them all.What if, when Jesus took his final breath upon the cross, everything changed?This is a story about Gabriel's interactions with the Son of God throughout the course of his life and what exactly happened to the Archangel that fateful day to fill his heart so full of hate.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 46
Collections: Week 9: Easter





	Gone Away

An angel and a demon stood in the crowd at Golgotha, watching with sorrow as a young man was nailed to a cross. The hot, arid sun hung high above their heads, but there were clouds in the distance seemingly growing darker with each passing moment as they approached. 

“Did you, uh...ever meet him?” the angel asked hesitantly, squinting as he glanced over at the demon standing beside him. 

“Yes,” the demon asserted, amber, snake-like eyes never once leaving the human’s form. “Seemed a very bright young man.” A pause, and then, “I showed him all the kingdoms of the world.”

“Why?” The angel seemed perplexed, as if the thought of a demon doing anything remotely kind-hearted was a foreign concept. For any demon apart from this one, that might have been the case.

“He’s a carpenter from Galilee. His travel opportunities are limited.”

The angel did nothing to dispute the obvious lie. His attention was focused on much more important things.

A hiss escaped the demon’s lips as the final nail was hammered into place, piercing through the young man’s wrist as he cried out in agony. “That has got to hurt.” Another pause filled the space between the pair, heavier laden this time as the angel seemed absorbed in his thoughts, worry lines forming at the top of his brow. 

The demon looked around quickly, taking in the crowd that had formed around this man and the other two criminals he was to die besides. Each of their faces displayed evidence of discomfort. Of remorse. Of shame. “What was it he said that got everyone so upset?”

Without turning away from the scene unfolding before them, the angel replied. “Be kind to each other.”

A nod of understanding. They’d both been on this world long enough to understand the very nature of the creatures they’d been designed to watch over. The creatures they’d been tasked to tempt and to protect. To guide on life’s journey. It was not surprising that something as simple as ‘kindness’ would be enough to lead to an act like this. “Oh, yeah. That’ll do it.” 

The pair fell into silence, eyes turned toward the figure as he hung from the deadened trees, waiting in agony until his life would finally slip from his grasp. The pair waited too, partly because they were expected to. Their head offices had made that much clear, but that wasn’t the only reason. No. Aziraphale and Crowley had been on Earth from the very beginning. They had walked with the humans in their infancy and would remain here to watch as this special one - this one chosen by the Almighty Herself - was robbed of his life by the very ones he’d been sent to save. 

Little did they know that there hidden in the crowd, another angel had come to watch the show. He was entirely unrecognizable, dressed head to toe in dark brown robes, covered in dust and dirt just like the skin on his feet that peeked out between the gaps in his sandals. A navy blue scarf was wrapped around his head in such a way that blocked his entire face from sight. All of it except the pair of piercing violet eyes - eyes that were filled to the brim with anger and despair. 

* * *

He was dressed in a soft white robe, with just a touch of violet woven in and amongst the threads. It was a comforting color, the Archangel had been told, and comfort was just the element he was going for on this most amazing of nights. Comfort, with perhaps a spark of joy. After all, this night was going to be the start of something glorious. The next part of the Great Plan was about to unfold. A plan that involved a girl and a baby. A baby that would ultimately save all of humanity.

Gabriel found the girl asleep in her room, just as he had expected her to be. She was young, almost a child in her own right, with long dark hair and tanned skin. For a while, the Archangel simply watched over her, hovering by the window as moonlight danced across her skin. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips and the heart inside his corporation began to flutter as he thought of what was sure to come next. 

Slowly, so as not to frighten the girl, the Archangel allowed a soft holy light to shine from within him. It spilled from his skin, casting a glow about the room that quickly roused the girl from her sleep. She shifted, brown eyes flying open in shock as they set their sights on him - a full grown man with wide white wings stretched out behind him.

“Greetings,” Gabriel began, a gentle smile on his face as he looked down at the girl huddled on the mat upon the floor. “You who are highly favored. The Almighty is with you.”

It was the truth. The Almighty had set all of this in motion. Through the Metatron, She had chosen Gabriel to deliver the news. He was here with the young girl now, bringing her their creator’s wonderful news. Through the Archangel’s Grace, the Almighty was here in this place too.

The girl said nothing, shifting so that her knees were tucked up under her chin, back pressed against the wall, those wide brown eyes still staring up at him, unblinking. Gabriel could see the faint tremble of her hands as they clutched themselves tightly to her chest. Something inside him hesitated as he looked down at her. Why was she so afraid? She should be delighted at his presence. Many humans went their whole lives without seeing proof of the existence of an Almighty power, and here was that proof standing in her very room, talking to her, telling her she had found favor with their creator. How could she stand to feel anything but pure and unadulterated joy?

“Do not be afraid, Mariam,” Gabriel soothed, hoping the familiar use of her name would show the girl that he meant her no harm. “You have found favor with God.” At the mention of the Almighty, the spark of fear left Mariam’s eyes. She shifted forward onto her knees, hands resting gently by her sides as she looked up at Gabriel once more. Slowly she reached up a hand to pull back the strands of dark hair that had fallen over her face, giving the Archangel what couldn’t exactly be described as a smile, but perhaps the faintest glimmer of trust.

“You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus,” Gabriel announced, reciting the words just as he had rehearsed over and over again before descending to Earth. “He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob's descendants forever.” The excitement welling up inside of the Archangel poured forth, flooding the small room with light. Mariam’s eyes widened, but they were no longer displaying any fear. She leaned forward, hanging onto Gabriel’s every word as he completed the message, sharing with her the wonderful news that someday everyone on this planet would come to know. “His kingdom will never end.”

“How can this be?” she finally asked, voice steady despite all that she had just witnessed. “For I do not know what it is to be with a man.”

A valid question, one that showed more of a curiosity than an unwillingness to believe. Gabriel took that moment to kneel down beside her, his violet eyes fixed on the soft, welcoming face of the woman who would give birth to the greatest human Earth would ever know. Gently, he took her hands in his, watching as the Grace that poured out from him began to fill her, chasing away all her doubts and fears.

“The Holy Spirit will come upon you, Mariam,” he explained. “And the power of the Most High will overshadow you. This is why the child you bear will be called Holy. The Son of God.”

He paused to let those words sink in. There were tears in Mariam’s eyes now, falling freshly down her cheeks as she gazed at him in wonder. Her hands were soft against his. Gentle. Just as a mother’s should be. Gabriel smiled a real and genuine smile and continued.

“Even your cousin Elizabeth conceived a son in her old age. The world told her she could not have a child, but the world does not control the Great Plan. Only the Almighty does. And all things are possible through Her.”

Mariam bowed her head before him, curtain of dark hair obscuring her face from his sights. “I am the Lord’s servent,” she breathed, fingers splaying out to hold onto Gabriel’s hands beneath her. “Let it be, just as you have told to me.”

A wide smile appeared on Gabriel’s face. Slowly, he reached forward, hooking his finger under her jaw to lift her eyes to his once more. What a marvelous human this was. So strong in her faith. So brave to face what was to come with grace and dignity. She smiled back at him, brightly this time, filled with the joy and anticipation of the news she’d just heard. The soft light danced across her skin and those shimmering brown eyes fluttered shut as Gabriel leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

_Peace I leave with you. Peace I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled and be not afraid of what is to come. I will be with you, always._

* * *

_Hosanna! Hosanna! Hosanna in the Highest!_

The cheers rang out loudly in the streets leading to Jerusalem. Gabriel slipped into the crowd unnoticed, choosing to use the clothing of the time and his unassuming corporation to hide himself, rather than a miracle this time. He supposed, if anyone were to look closely enough, they might have spotted him and his striking violet eyes, but on a day like today, the Archangel needn't have worried. Not a single gaze was fixed upon him. All eyes were on the figure slowly approaching from the west on the back of a donkey.

Someone’s hand brushed his own and Gabriel looked over startled, only to find a small child grinning up at him, a single tooth missing from the front of her mouth. In her small hand lay two palm branches. Without a word, she handed one over to him, then turned back to the procession, peeking her head in between small gaps separating the people in front of her to try and catch a glimpse of what was to come.

_Hosanna! Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!_

The palm in his hand was light and a little bit warm where the young girl had grasped it. Gabriel studied it for a bit, taking in the light shade of green, a vibrant contrast to the dusty ground below. There were hundreds of them around, _thousands_ if he was being completely honest. Looking up, the violet eyes sought out the figure approaching through the crowd. Several men walked by his side, flanking either side of the beast as it walked. Citizens of the city stepped forward as the group drew closer, laying down their palms and coats and anything else they could find to cover the ground as the man approached.

Excitement buzzed in the air. It appeared as though the entire city had come out to see Jesus’ arrival. The Archangel smiled to himself. And why wouldn’t they? Today was a day of victory! Today was the beginning of everything - the beginning of a new era. Jesus had come here to save humanity from themselves, just as the Great Plan had foretold. These people may not understand the intricacies of what was currently unfolding right in front of their eyes, not like Gabriel did, but that didn’t stop them from sensing that something important was happening today. Something that would change the course of their lives forever.

The donkey approached, and Gabriel hung back with a gentle smile on his face. Pride and affection rose up within him as he looked out upon the man he’d watch grow up. It felt like only yesterday that he’d been standing inside that stable, looking out over mother and infant boy. How could time go by so quickly? Especially for an entity such as himself who lived half his existence outside of time.

As if he could sense the Archangel’s presence nearby, Jesus turned his head and met Gabriel’s gaze as the donkey meandered by. What he saw in those deep brown eyes made Gabriel’s heart stutter to a stop. There was sorrow there. A soft, sad thing that seemed to pour out from him, hiding in the shadows of his smile, the creases of his brow. Gabriel felt it resonate within his very core. Whatever did this man have to be sad about? Today was a day of victory. Today was the beginning of bringing the Kingdom of Heaven down to Earth. So why did the Archangel’s heart hurt so much when he looked at the young man riding by?

Why did it look like Jesus knew something that Gabriel did not?

* * *

There was love everywhere. It blanketed the land like winter’s first snow, touching everything around for miles upon miles. Gabriel drank it in. He breathed in its energy, feeling it light him up from the inside out as he soared over the fields of shepherds and their flocks, over the creeks and collections of small trees and shrubs, making his way to the small town of Bethlehem and the brilliant star that hung above, leading the way for all who cared to listen.

It didn’t take long to find the stable. Even if the Archangel didn’t have the vibrant star above to lead the way, it would have been impossible for Gabriel to miss the warmth that seemed to emanate from that sacred place. He touched down on the ground softly, wrapping the miracle around himself like a blanket so that no one resting inside would notice him. Not the animals, not the baby lying asleep swaddled tightly in scraps of cloth. Not the mother who held him tightly to her chest, her hair still damp with drying sweat. Not the carpenter, the father and husband, who stood watch over them all.

No one took notice as Gabriel slipped inside the humble, but cozy building, sidling past the cows and up against the back wall where he could simply observe the new family and watch over them as they rested. They had been through so much lately. The trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem had been especially difficult with Mariam so close to giving birth. Gabriel had walked with them the entire way, only leaving their side once the infant boy was born and it was time to return to Heaven and set into motion the rest of the wonders tonight would bestow.

Once the proper angels had been alerted and began their preparations to greet the nearby residents, Gabriel had hurried back to Mariam’s side. He felt a strange nervousness when he was away from her. A nagging fear that something might happen. What if Hell got word of what they were doing here? What if they sent a horde of demons after her? Gabriel refused to let that happen. He refused to let anything hurt this young woman and the child she had so dutifully brought into the world. The child that was humanity’s hope. Humanity’s salvation. 

All throughout the night, Gabriel stood watch, his wings stretched out behind him, ready to fight, ready to gather up mother and child in his arms and carry them away to safety should the need arise. 

It never did.

Even as the host of angels proclaimed the good news for all to hear. Even as one by one, the shepherds came to see the newborn king. The night remained quiet. There was no sign of any trouble. No glint of a demonic eye or whiff of Hellfire or anything of the sort. In fact, as Gabriel stood there watching over mother and child, he felt a sort of calm come over him. It reminded the Archangel of that tiny bedroom all those months ago, kneeling on the dirt floor as he took a young woman’s hands in his. Now, as his restless heart thrummed loudly against his chest, Mariam glanced up from the bundle of joy wrapped in her arms. Her soft brown eyes shifted around the room, passing over all the people who had come to see her, until they met his own. There, they stopped, fixing themselves on the violet orbs in an unwavering gaze.

In the darkness of the night, the stars shining brightly overhead, her baby boy sleeping peacefully in her arms, Mariam smiled.

* * *

Gabriel did not make it his mission to accompany Jesus on all of his travels. That wasn’t his purpose here on Earth. At first, his task had been to watch over Mariam. To comfort her when she was afraid. To guide her and her son along the path they were meant to trod. To protect them when danger threatened them at every turn.

He had kept them safe on the journey to Bethlehem, had warned them of Herod’s plot, saw them safely to Egypt and back again. The archangel had guarded them and guided them in the years they spent in Nazareth. He’d watched as Jesus had grown from a young boy in the temple to a man. Wise and compassionate and strong. After thirty years, he’d gone off on his own, gathering his followers and spreading the wonderful words of life that many people so desperately needed to hear.

Once Jesus had started his journey, Gabriel had hung back. As much as he wanted to be there to witness the Almighty’s work through this marvelous human, the Archangel knew that his place was elsewhere. He belonged up in Heaven, leading the other angels. The visits to Earth still happened, but not nearly as frequently as they once had.

Still, that did not mean Gabriel _never_ took the time to stop and check in on the young Messiah. How could he assure Mariam that everything was alright if he didn’t know where Jesus was or what he was up to? Gabriel chose his visits wisely. Slipped into the crowds that flocked to the man like moths to a flame, and watched with wonder as the Almighty leaked her Grace into the world through him.

Currently, Jesus and his followers had chosen to stop in Capernaum. Word had gotten around that he was in the city and a crowd had quickly formed around the dwelling place he and the twelve had made their temporary home. Gabriel had inserted himself into the crowd easily enough, using a miracle to mask himself so that only Jesus would know of his presence. The man never seemed to mind his visits, and for that, the Archangel was grateful. 

He was teaching them now, telling them a story - a _parable_ \- as the short tales were known. Something about workers in a vineyard. If he was being honest, Gabriel wasn’t really paying attention. It wasn’t as if _he_ needed to hear a message from the Almighty. No, Gabriel wasn’t listening to the words Jesus was saying at all. He was far too focused on the light scratching sound above their heads that had been going on for the next several minutes.

What in the world could it be? A bird wouldn’t be able to make a noise that loud, would it? If it wasn’t a bird, what in the world could be making such an infernal racket?

Anxiety clawed at Gabriel’s stomach. What if it was something infernal? Hell wouldn’t be so _stupid_ as to send a demon up to Earth to try and hurt the Almighty’s son, would they? Such an act would not end well for them. They would have a host of battle ready angels rocketing down from Heaven if a demon so much as _looked_ at Jesus in the wrong way. Gabriel was sure of it.  
Still, that did nothing to calm his worries as, bit by bit, dirt crumbled to the floor, exposing the brilliant blue sky above. Gabriel’s entire body stiffened as a face came into view. It was only after several seconds and shouts of the people nearest to the hole that the Archangel realized this was no demon at all, but a young human man. 

Violet eyes wide, Gabriel watched as the human, followed by several others who were up on the rooftop with him, cleared away more of the barrier in their path, ignoring the crowd below as they shouted upward at the intruders. All the while, Jesus remained silent, a soft but gentle smile on his face as he watched the events unfold.

“What is the meaning of this?” one of the more elderly gentlemen asked gruffly as, to their surprise, four sets of arms appeared in the opening, gripping a mat where a fifth man lay. Gabriel couldn’t believe his eyes. What were these humans doing, interrupting a teaching session like this?

A soft chuckle escaped Jesus’ mouth, clear and light, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. For a moment, the man’s brown eyes swept around, coming to settle on Gabriel’s for the briefest of seconds. The human gave him a knowing smile, then turned to face the awestruck crowd. “Do you not see the faith these men have shown today?” he asked, sweeping his arms out wide.

Then, turning to the fifth man currently lying on the floor where he had been placed, Jesus said, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

Shocked murmures echoed throughout the room as a wave of pride washed over Gabriel. It was obvious now, looking down at the man that had been placed at Jesus’ feet, that he was not well. He could not move on his own, could not lift his own hands to support his weight. He was reliant entirely on his friends, who had braved the chaos to try and get him an audience with the man who was rumored to heal with a single word. Their only hope at a miracle.

Instead of healing the paralytic as he would have been expected to do, Jesus gave the man a much more precious gift. He had forgiven the man of all his sins - a thing only this _special_ human could do. Gabriel understood the scriptures. He knew the prophecies and the details of what this man would become, but watching it in action was beyond any words he could have thought to say. 

Apparently, there were people present here that did not share those same sentiments. “Why do you speak in this way?” One demanded of Jesus. “It is blasphemy. Who can forgive sins, but God alone?”

Jesus was silent for a moment, his familiar brown gaze sweeping over the crowd, a tug at the corner of his lips, faint crease upon his brow. “Why do you raise such questions in your hearts?” he asked, addressing all of them, not just the man who had spoken up. Gabriel was on the edge of his seat. He could feel the divine energy of the miracle right before it entered the world. It was an electric a feeling, an intense feeling, unlike any he had felt before. “Which is easier to say, ‘your sins are forgiven’? Or ‘stand up, take your mat and walk’?

There was no response. Like the Archangel standing amongst them, the crowd hung onto Jesus’ ever word, waiting to see what might come next. 

“But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins,” Jesus began, turning to the man who still lay before him, “I say to you, stand up, take your mat, and go to your home.”

And that was exactly what he did.

* * *

Less than two years after Jesus’ birth, Gabriel returned to Mariam’s side. She greeted him with tender eyes and a welcoming smile until she saw the look that marred his angelic face.

“Gabriel?” she asked in hushed tones, careful not to wake the sleeping toddler in the room. The man beside her slept without stirring, not nearly as sensitive to Gabriel’s Grace as the young woman now standing before him. “Whatever is the matter?”

“You and Joseph need to take the child, _now,_ ” Gabriel insisted, trying to ignore the way his heart thudded painfully in his chest. There was absolutely no reason for him to be afraid. Nothing had happened yet. They’d had plenty of warning of the plot to kill the child. Plenty of time to escort this family to safety where the mad jealous king could not find them. But they had to act fast. If Hell learned of Herod’s plot, Gabriel may not have the strength to save them.

“King Herod has learned of his whereabouts. He wishes to destroy the child. You must take him to Egypt. Remain there until I come to tell you it’s safe to return home.”

He don’t know what he expected Mariam to do. Cower in fear, perhaps, or break down crying. He expected her to show fear as she had that first night they had met. Expected her to protest, to argue that they could remain safe here in Judea. That a trip to Egypt would be just as dangerous for the small family.

Mariam did none of these things. Instead, she took a step forward, her long black hair fluttering around her waist in the breeze that drifted toward them through the open window. Gabriel watched, violet eyes widening as the human woman came to stand before him, reaching out to brush her hand against his. Gabriel smiled at the contact, taking them within his own, his heart swelling inside his chest at the next set of words that came from her lips.

“Wherever you send me,” she began, voice more steady and calm and sure than Gabriel could have believed it would be. “I will go. Whatever is out there, I will face without question. Without hesitation. I will do all in my power to keep him safe.”

She turned then, looking back behind her to gaze at the young boy, still asleep beneath the patterned blanket, his chest rising and falling with each moment that passed by. A strange sensation overtook the Archangel as he looked from mother to son. His wings shifted softly behind him as Mariam eventually turned back toward him, fixing her gaze upon his holy face.

“You won’t be facing it alone,” he assured her, squeezing her hands firmly between his own. “I will be with you. Every step of the journey. I will not let anything happen to you or your family, Mariam.”

A soft smile, a twinkle of brown eyes in the darkness. “I know,” she assured him, voice barely more than a whisper. “I am safe with you, Gabriel. My guardian angel.”

* * *

The night air was still, silent, as if waiting with bated breath to see what might happen next. Wind whistled through the trees, blowing the leaves of the topmost branches to and fro, but down close to the earth, not a sound could be heard. Spring had entered in full force, but there was no twitter of the birds in the trees. No chitter of mice foraging in the grass. A blanket of quiet had covered the garden, allowing only a single sound to pierce through the night.

The sound of a man knelt in prayer.

“My God,” the voice of the man rang true in the stillness around him. Knees pressed up against the grassy earth, hands folded, head bowed, he continued to speak. “If it is possible, let this cup pass me by.” Arms trembling as hands clutched tightly at one another, the man drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “But - ” the man’s voice broke with emotion, hands turning white against the stone where they lay. “Not as I will it, but as thou wills it.”

Through it all, Gabriel stood nearby, watching, waiting. He heard the pain in Jesus’ voice. Saw the way his heart was crying out. Gabriel could feel the love pouring out of this man, as soft and gentle as it had been the day he’d been born. Out of all the humans he had interacted with over the past thirty years, the Archangel had never met any of them even remotely close to this one. This one was special. This one was filled with compassion and goodness and love and Grace. Gabriel could feel it shining within the man, just as the Archangel’s own Grace shone within himself. They were one and the same, made from the same starstuff, connected by the Almighty’s power and love. 

He had brought several humans with him - those he called disciples - had left them with one simple request. To stay awake with him in his hour of need. Twice now, he had gone back to them, urging them awake, imploring that they stay with him. Asking them to give him comfort where he had none. Twice now, they had failed him

Gabriel did not blame the humans. They simply did not understand what was in motion here. They were not privy to the details of the Great Plan like he was. They did not know what would ultimately come to pass. Their leader, their friend, would be taken from them soon. He would willingly take on the sins of the entire world, choosing to die in their place so they could be saved. It had been written from the very beginning that such events would come to pass, but Gabriel could tell that no one truly believed these accounts. 

They simply did not understand what was at stake, so one by one they fell asleep. Over and over again, leaving Jesus entirely alone.

“If it is possible,” the man repeated once more, the sweat on his brow turning crimson as it rolled down the side of his face, falling to the ground beside him. “Take this cup from me. If it is possible, let it pass me by.”

A breath. A pause. A sigh. Gabriel took that as his cue. He appeared before the man, soft light shining from every inch of exposed skin, white wings out for all to see. Not that there was anyone here to see them. The humans had fallen asleep once more. Archangel and Messiah were all alone.

Slowly, Gabriel lowered his own trembling hand to the man’s side, placing it upon his shoulder. Jesus looked up at him, brown eyes shining with a myriad of emotion the Archangel could never hope to understand. He did not live his existence as a human. He did not know death or despair. Did not know what it was to hope or have faith. For the longest time, Gabriel had separated himself from humanity, choosing to take upon a more managerial role in Heaven. He had never seen the need to bother himself with these creatures until now. Until this very special one had appeared.

“You have done well,” Gabriel asserted, passing along the message that had been written for him to say. And him alone. The Archangel had been there for the very beginning of it all. He would be here until the very end. “Take heart and have courage. What you do with your life now is for all of them. The ones that came before you. The ones you have met along your journey. And the ones that still are to come.”

Jesus had no response. He didn’t need to. Instead, he simply smiled at the Archangel kneeling before him. It was a soft, gentle thing, that in that moment looked so strikingly similar to one Gabriel had seen so many years ago. 

“Be here with your God now,” Gabriel insisted, filling the man with Grace, giving him the strength to face what was to come. “She is here with you everywhere that you go. And so am I.”

Once again, that sorrowful look crossed over the man’s face and Gabriel had to stop and wonder. What was it that made him so terribly sad? What was it that Jesus seemed to know that the highest of the Archangels did not.

Gabriel wanted to ask, but he could not. His task had been completed and now it was time for the next part of the night to commence. Even now, at the very edge of his angelic hearing, the Archangel could sense the crowd of soldiers and other men approaching. All too soon, the tranquility of the garden would be shattered and all who were here would be forced to leave. There was no time for Gabriel to ask the one thing he so desperately wanted to know.

His time was up.

* * *

This was the moment. After years of travelling around the area, the Romans had finally gotten their hands on Jesus of Nazareth. It was the beginning of the end. They would try him in this very street. Find him guilty, and sentence him to death.

Gabriel knew he could not intervene. The Great Plan had to run its course. Still, the Archangel was not about to miss the Almighty’s most precious gift be given. He’d been on Earth this entire week, preparing for these final days, and now, amongst the crowd, disguised by a simple cloak and hood, he watched with vibrant violet eyes as they began to unfurl. 

“You brought me this man,” the Roman governor, Pilate, declared before the crowd. He was dressed in intricate colorful robes that identified his position to all who would approach him, and stood upon the dias as he addressed his people. “As one who was perverting the people. I have examined him here in your presence and have found no case against this man.”

Gabriel frowned. What was this man saying? He was supposed to sentence Jesus to death by crucifixion. What did he mean by the words ‘no case against him’? Surely, he wasn’t about to set Jesus free, was he?

To his alarm, the crowd of people around him started shouting in indignation. Gabriel turned. What in Heaven’s name were they doing? This was their Messiah, their _savior_. Yes, he had to die to fulfil the prophecies, but they didn’t know that. If he didn’t know any better, the Archangel would have thought that these people wanted him to - 

“It is custom that I release someone to you at Passover,” Pilate continued, doing his best to calm the crowd before it turned into a mob. “Do you want me to release to you the King of the Jews?”

“No!” someone cried. Gabriel’s head whipped over in that direction, but through all the people. He could not decipher who had said the words. “Not this man. Give us Barabbas!”

Gabriel looked on in horror as the rest of the crowd took up the chant. _Barabbas! Barabbas! Barabbas! Barabbas!_ The sound of it echoed around him for miles, stabbing sharp knives into his gut with each syllable. Why? Why was this happening? Why were these people choosing to save a _criminal_ over the one who could save them? How could they be so easily misled? The Almighty had given them this gift in Jesus - a man who could heal them, inspire them, show them the way to The Kingdom - and they had forsaken him so easily.

Gabriel asked none of this aloud. He bit back his questions, forcing the tears from his eyes as he watched the decorated man step forward and address the crowd once more, a strangely heavy look on his face. Violet eyes fixed themselves upon the hands as they turned to the side, dipping themselves into a bowl of clean water that had been presented in an ornate, porcelain bowl.

“I am innocent of this man’s blood,” he stated, turning away as the proclamation was made. “See to it yourselves.”

No, the Archangel did not ask ‘why’. He did not ask what would come next or how things could be fixed. He did not ask anything at all, for questions lead to doubt and doubt most definitely led to a Fall. Gabriel had seen it happen before and he would not allow himself to go down that same path so many of the others did. He would have faith that things would turn out alright in the end.

And so, the Archangel Gabriel said nothing as Jesus of Nazareth was lead away, the shouts and screams of the crowd that had so devotedly welcomed him into the city just days before, seeming to echo from one corner of the earth to another so that all the world could hear.

_Crucify him! Crucify him! Crucify him! Crucify him!_

* * *

“Come on, angel,” Crowley finally murmured upon seeing the first flash of lightning less than a mile away. Darkness had fallen all around them, deep grey clouds blocking out every ray of sunlight that had once shone down on the hillside below. “We’ve got to get out of here. You especially.” He paused, turning toward Aziraphale, taking in the intense look on his face. The pursed lips, shimmering blue eyes, furrowed brow. All signs that the angel did not want to leave. Crowley tried again. “We both know what’s coming next.”

“Yes,” Aziraphale finally sighed, tearing his gaze away from the man whose ragged breaths seemed to echo around them for miles. “I suppose we do.”

They didn’t walk away as the other humans had. They didn’t unfurl their wings and take to the skies. They didn’t do anything dramatic at all. They simply vanished. One second they were there, still standing on the hillside, and the next, they were gone. As if they had never been there to begin with.

No one noticed them leave. Not the crowd gathered around the dying men. Not the individuals who had surrounded them on either side. Not even the Archangel, who stood amongst the dwindling crowd with agony in his eyes and hatred in his heart.

“Why?” the man upon the cross croaked in a broken voice that sent a stab of pain through Gabriel’s chest. His fists clenched at his sides as he was forced to stand there and simply _watch_ this horrible scene unfold. The Archangel would give anything to be able to unveil his wings, fly up there and pull the man free. Heal his wounds, take him away from this horrible place, these horrible _people_ who had done nothing to deserve this gift that he was giving to them. “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani? _(_ _My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?)_ ”

The words cut at Gabriel’s very core. For the first time since the world had been created, he felt tears pricking at the corner of his corporation’s eyes. Despite this overwhelming desire to turn his face, to unfurl his wings and fly away from this awful memory. Despite the desire to snap his fingers and return to Heaven, Gabriel stayed put. He would not abandon this man in his hour of greatest need. He would remain here until the bitter end.

Gabriel thought he knew what the consequences would be for such a choice.

He was wrong.

With one final cry and a glance up toward Heaven, Jesus took his last breath and the entire world fell apart. The darkness that had slowly been gathering around them, blanketing the entire land for miles suddenly felt hot and heavy. Gabriel felt the breath rush from his lungs and he desperately tried to pull it back in. The ground shook beneath his feet. Those who remained cried out in fear as a loud cracking sound reverberated across the entire valley, stretching all the way from Jerusalem up to the hillside and beyond. A great chasm opened up in the earth, splintering off in a hundred different ways, cracking boulders clean in half, ripping apart tombs and laying waste to the entire area.

Gabriel saw none of this. How could he through the overwhelming pain that had suddenly tore through his entire being the moment Jesus’ life had ended? The Archangel crumpled to the ground, clutching at his chest, pressing down against it with as much force as his suddenly trembling arms could manage, hoping the pressure would help alleviate the pain that had instantly taken over him.

People started to run, attempting to hide from the storm as it washed over them. The only source of illumination at all were the sporadic flashes of lightning that darted across the sky, hovering above the earth, threatening to strike at any moment. Violet eyes squeezed shut as the Archangel tried to block out the noise and the chaos all around him. He brought his hands to his ears in an attempt to quiet the screams echoing all around him and inside him as he struggled to bring himself back to reality.

 _What was happening?_ Gabriel felt a hot moisture rushing down his cheeks. It was too warm to be rain coming from the heavens. Too salty on his tongue as the Archangel knelt gasping on the ground, his hands trembling beneath him as he struggled to support the weight of himself, the weight of this darkness, this _emptiness_ all around him. When had he fallen to the ground? When had he started crying? Why couldn’t he seem to stop? Why couldn’t he see? Why couldn’t he _breathe_?

Why couldn’t he feel Her presence anymore?

“No…” Gabriel heard his voice moaning, the sound of it echoing around him, so far away. Out of his reach. “ _Please_. Don’t go. I can’t - I don’t - ”

There were no words. Not in all the languages in all of time to express how much _agony_ the Archangel felt in that moment that seemed to stretch on for eternity. He was falling to pieces, his very soul tearing in two as the sharp pain of Jesus’ death severed the connection between Earth and Heaven. For the first time since the universe began, the Almighty was nowhere to be found. She was gone. Ripped away. Erased from every crevice of the world she had created. Every babbling brook, every bright petaled flower, every child’s laugh and mother’s smile. They were all empty now. _Meaningless_. Without Her, what was the point of any of it? She was gone and it was. All. Their. Fault. 

A sob tore out from his throat, rubbing it raw, the pain a mere speck compared to the way he was crumbling to pieces inside. Angels weren’t built to feel this kind of anguish, Gabriel was sure of it. He was going to die here. Not discorporate, actually die. He wasn’t meant to be separated from Grace. Wasn’t meant to be trapped here on this forsaken planet with these _humans_ that did nothing but lie and steal and murder each other. These creatures that took a gift freely given to them by the Mother of all things and spat it back in her face. 

Large white wings extended out overhead, the feathers quickly becoming soaked through as a frigid rain poured down upon the land. There was nowhere for him to go. No way to escape this nightmare. Gabriel was trapped here, kneeling in the mud, tears pouring from his eyes as he screamed and screamed and screamed. Begging for the pain to stop. Pleading for someone to come and find him. Praying that She would turn her favor back on him.

For three days, there was no answer. Gabriel was left completely and utterly alone.

* * *

On the third day, the door to Heaven opened once more and Gabriel strode through it. He marched through the halls, slamming open a set of intricately designed gold plated doors as he made his way to where he knew the others would be. After an event as momentous as this, the Archangels would want to gather and discuss what was next. 

All eyes turned toward him as the Archangel strode through the door. They were all there, chatting amongst themselves as they waited. All sound died when they saw the intense look on his face. The temperature in the room seemed to drop rapidly, the white walls shining harsher as each of the angels turned to look at him.

“Gabriel,” Michael began, hesitantly. “Where have you been? We still need to select an angel to send down to the tomb. The women will arrive shortly. They can’t find it empty without an explanation.”

Gabriel glowered. They didn’t deserve to know. They didn’t deserve to hear the news that their messiah had been risen from the dead. Not after what they had done. Let them wallow in their guilt. In their sorrow and shame. Let them spend the rest of time regretting the horrid choice that they’d made.

“Let them wonder,” he growled, fists clenching at his side. _Let them wonder as I wondered. Let them despair that he is gone like I despaired Her absence. What right do they have to know the truth when I was left in agony, crying out for answers?_ “The prophecies have come to pass. Our interference is no longer needed.”

“Gabriel,” Michael tried again in a tone that made him want to lash out. Instead, Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek, tasting the blood as it flooded his mouth. “The story is not over. They need to understand the whole point of it all.”

The point of it all? The _point_ ? Violet eyes flashed with holy fury. The point of it all was for the Almighty to give her children a _gift -_ a gift unlike any that had ever been given, and they had thrown it back in her face. They had beat it with whips, drove nails through its skin, placed a crown of thorns on its head and mocked the gift as he struggled for hours to draw his last breath. He had healed them, shared words of life with them so that they might know the truth, and they had turned their backs on him. Each and every one of them.

“Fine,” the Archangel practically hissed, jaw clenching as a wave of anger and disgust washed through him. “Send whoever you like. It doesn’t matter. Get it over with and get back to _work_.”

Luckily for them, none of the angels decided to confront him. They scurried out of the place, leaving Gabriel to stand in the center of the room, fists clenched at his sides, violet eyes burning. If they had been any more intense, the sight of them might have actually burned a hole in the floor.

“Gabriel,” Michael dared to ask once the two of them were alone. There was caution in their eyes. A hesitancy that had never been there before. “What _happened_ to you down there? This isn’t like you.”

He rounded on Michael, violet eyes flashing in the whitewashed halls of Heaven. The other Archangel visibly flinched, but held their ground. For a moment, he was reminded of the strong gaze of a human woman, the one who had been filled with such faith. Such hope. Such love. What had happened to her? Where had she been as her son had died? Had she abandoned him too? 

Pointedly ignoring the prying question, Gabriel began, “It’s time for us to move onto the next part of the Great Plan,” he announced, eyes drifting out over to the window beside him, looking down at the buildings that stood far below.

“The next part?” he heard Michael ask at the edge of his hearing. Slowly, Gabriel smiled. It was harsh and cold. As harsh as the walls surrounding him now. As cold as his heart had become after Her Grace had been temporarily ripped from him.

“It is time to start planning for Armageddon.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This story was created from a Facebook request I saw about fic recs for stories about Gabriel's dislike for humans stemming from witnessing Jesus' death. This is what I came up with. I hope you all enjoyed it. Feel free to drop a comment! I absolutely love reading them!!
> 
> If you have more prompts you'd like to see me explore, feel free to reach out to me on Tumblr or Twitter!
> 
> Tumblr: @braver-stronger-smarter  
> Twitter: @beckers522


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